the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
