So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize