I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
