when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
