I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Your mouth is God's brothel.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
