Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
