apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
sex in a hospital.. check
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
