I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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