My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
