So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
