Your face is a jimmy john
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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