Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
