he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize