be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
