if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
