So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
where am i from again
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
