So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
