Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
