I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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