There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
