He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
