one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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