I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
