Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
