What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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