i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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