Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
