He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
