I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I came so hard my ears popped.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
