pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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