Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you had me at cake vodka
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
