fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
time to smoke my breakfast
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
