just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
