At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
