So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
