I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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