I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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