Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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