imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
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