Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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