watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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