Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
