mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize