i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
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Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
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Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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