that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
