I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
