Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When did angry sex become our thing?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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