this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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