My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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