If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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