***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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