Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
