My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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