Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
