Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
