Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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