I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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