cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
