For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
