Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
