i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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