I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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