he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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