Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
smell my finger.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
