I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
