Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
