tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
