so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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