Me. At least after what I've been through.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
