I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
