come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
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He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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