I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
